In the Rut Again

I was driving home from church last night and I saw a banner that said "I knew you before you were formed". This is one of my wife's favorite verses and it triggered a train of thoughts. ( I found out in this mornings paper that the sign was set up by an anti-abortion group. The park is across the street from the planned parenthood building. I take issue with these groups, not because of their views but somehow "TERROR EVANGELISM" does not fit my view of being a christian and can't be justified by WWJD. But that's a whole other issue.)Anyway, the first thought that came was He knows us so intimately, why don't I know Him intimately? Well the thoughts tumbled around for a while with a few pictures thrown in then I realized I'm in a spiritual rut,(imagine That) I didn't go to class Wednesday night, I don't like going to class on Sundays, I'm tired of listening to the same old complaints (I want more contemporary music, when the music they are referring to is twenty years old. on the radio that's called golden oldies.) It seems we go over the same old things but I don't see myself or others getting anywhere. I want to be like Jesus, so intimate with God that I can say this is what I want but I know You want this and what You want is what I'm going to do. Or so close to Him that I can hear Him speak and I can say here I am send me. I hear so often that Our relationship with God can't be like Jesus'. I say why not, I'm a co-heir. But Jesus was Gods son he had a special connection. Yes He fostered and worked on that connection. Jesus was no different than us when He was here on earth, to say otherwise is to say He wasn't who He claimed to be. He felt all the things we feel, He faced the temptations we face. The only difference between Him and us is He was totally dependant on the Holy Spirit and His Father. Why aren't we like Jesus? I can only answer for myself but the answer for me is I'm not totally dependant on the Holy Spirit and my Father. I have to much of self, to much of me basically I don't trust God to take control. He has given me all the tools, Jesus left His Helper for us. So what is the problem, so many books give so many answers, practice these disciplines, do this, do that. Do they work? Not for me. The only one that I've heard that comes close is practice the presence of God. I like the Kiss principle, keep it simple stupid, that talks directly to me. I don't think God intended for it to be hard, I think we just make it hard or at least I do. So here I am in a big old spiritual rut, chasing my tail, wondering which way is up.