The study that our Preacher Dan has started is the fruit of the spirit and for me it has been a really in your face lesson. It has not only been in my face from the pulpit but it has been in my face fom Sunday school, small groups and Wednesday night. What I really want to do is hide, but where do you hide from God? I've tried, He knows I've tried but He just doesn't give up. How do you produce the fruits of the spirit when you have people in your family, people in your church family and people you work with that just suck the life out of you? When I admit my short comings I get advice which usually just confuses me more. But God keeps trying, I'll never understand what He sees in me but He is always there. I've realized that probably the biggest part of my problem is lack of time with God. Before I got my promotion all I had to worry about (I Know GOD said don't worry) so lets say concern myself about was what I did. I usually worked alone, this gave me time to think and contemplate while I did my job and talk to God a lot. In my new job I'm responsable for others and it seems like every time I turn around someone needs my attention (much like having kids). So I don't have the same opportunities to commune with my Father that I use to have and I have yet to develop another way of spending time with Him. This past April I set myself up with a retreat, I was going to spend time with my Father, NOT, I was really trying to run from Him. I have been involved with a prison ministry for a few years called Kairos, well my son ends up in prison, I wish I could say it was all a mistake but my son worked very hard to get there. The things that have happened to my son while in prison made it very difficult for me to go into prison and be with the men in there. I can't exactly put my finger on why because the majority of the things that have happened to him have been brought on by himself. I guess it would be truthful to say I just decided to listen to satans lies and agree with him instead of leaning on Gods love. Anyway, back to the retreat, after fasting for two days and trying to communicate with my Father with nothing happening I heard a faint whisper. He asked me why I was running. I had prayed for a ministry and He had provided in a way that left no doubt that it was His doing, it was certainly, if not the last, very near the last ministry I would have come up with. He then proceded to lead my thoughts as I realized that where I needed to be was not on a retreat but where He had led me. So I left the monastary and went to help in the kitchen on the Kairos weekend. I'm not sure any of this makes any sense, but as I said I'm confused. I've seperated myself from My father and I'm trying to crawl back out of the bar ditch. Fruits of the spirt don't come from us they come from our Father. I need to start feeding off His roots again, the nutrients are better. I've got to cut myself off from my roots and totally graft myself to His.
P.S. To add to my confusion I give my friends Arlene and Angela a chance to use their edgy wits and the just give nicey nicey comments. I'm so confused.
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Jim, we can talk about the "nicey-nice" comment line later...
But as to your post. I am wondering if when you heard the whisper from God to move from the retreat to the kitchen if that was what you were there to hear. Which would make you being at retreat exactly what you needed to be doing in order to really hear God.
You may have been running or trying to hide by ignoring the ministry He was calling you to, but He still spoke. I think sometimes He has to get us quiet and alone to do His work in us.
This fruit of the spirit study is so compelling because it really does remind us that these qualities do not grow in us because we try harder or smarter, but because the Spirit grows them in us. Yes, we make ourselves available but the Spirit shapes our heart.
Thanks for sharing.
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