Wandering in the Desert

As you can see it has been a while. I'm having trouble remembering how to do it.
It's been a while since God and I have been on a first name basis. That's not His choice I just kind of wandered of into the desert. I've been there for several years now and I'm not sure I want to leave yet. I can get a glimpse of the oasis that God has for me and the cool water that awaits me when I finally come in from the sun, but I've still got some things to discover about myself and work out with myself before I'm ready for a reprieve. I know this may seem silly, actually I guess stupid would be the better word, but for some reason I feel like I need to wrestle with myself and who I am and to really discover who I am so that I may become the person that God has in mind for me to be. I recently started having counseling and I'm amazed about the things that I have discovered about myself. I think the biggest discovery and probably the discovery that is going to help me the most is the discovery that I have an overwhelming fear of being abandoned. The reasons for this feeling is deep rooted and of no real interest to anyone but myself. But like most fears really have very little basis. The crazy thing to me is that I've actually realized this for a long time but it took verbalizing it and hearing someone else tell me that this is a problem for everything to start falling like dominoes for me to realize how much this fear colors everything in my life.I realize now why I get so angry about some things when there is really no need to. Fear of abandonment causes you to be very possessive, jealous, angry and so many other feelings that are very draining and especially counterproductive. I'm sure this realization is just a start. It is going to take a while to change my thought process. And healing will take a while. But I need this time of wandering and dryness to to strip back the pretences so that when I do go back to the oasis I'll be ready to drink deeply and truly enjoy the taste of the living water.