Sunday, November 11, 2007
Cobwebbed Catacomb
I talked to a friend who had been looking for a new blog from me and was wondering when I would post again. A part of me was flattered that someone would look forward to something I had written. Another part of me wondered why someone would look forward to something I had written. All I write is just thoughts and opinions that come from that dark cobwebbed catacomb I call my mind. I'm not sure why they are interesting. About the only thing I can come up with is reading my thoughts make them feel a whole lot better about their own thoughts. Their thoughts probably sound a whole lot better and make a whole lot better sense than mine. I guess it really doesn't matter why, as long as it brings them some enjoyment and maybe a few laughs. But the thought that someone wanted to read what I had to say brought another question to mind that has nagged me for several years now. It seems that in the last several years I keep finding myself in leadership positions of one kind or another. These are positions that I got either by default or because I have been asked to take them. I don't by nature look to fill these rolls but I find myself taking them because others seem reluctant to or I can't seem to say no, even though I fully intend to when asked. I wonder if I am really stroking my ego, even though I really feel like I don't want to be in that roll and try to avoid it if at all possible, or as my lovely wife says God wants me there. I find this last reason just a little disconcerting because I know me and I feel like their are others who are far more qualified. I'm not exactly a scholar or have any other qualifications that would say to me I should be a leader. I am opinionated but that is more often a hindrance than a qualification. I've struggle with the roll of leadership and try to avoid it even though my wife continually hounds me to just do it. Maybe someday I will feel comfortable in that roll but I seriously doubt it because by long training and, to be honest, by my own desire I prefer being a loner.
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3 comments:
This "friend" is going to suggest something here that has nothing to do with stroking ego. In fact, Jim Nesbitt I think it is the opposite. If you really saw yourself the way God and others see you I think you would have greater clarity about the places your find yourself.
I don't think you see your strengths and gifts. Admitting you have them and working from the place of giftedness brings such glory to God who made you in his image with unique traits and abilities to bring to the table of the kingdom.
I look forward to your posts because we are friends. I get to know a different part of you by reading your thoughts. I love anytime we can laugh, share or cry together. This blog just provides another avenue to know each others thoughts and heart. That is what friends do. And so when I tell you that I am waiting to read what you have to say it is because I value you as a friend and nothing is more thrilling to me than knowing what my friends think and feel. It is one way that God speaks to me and helps me discern things. You and your thoughts and ideas matter to your friends and family because that is how relationship thrives.
Now when I tell you that I think you look skinny and great that you can take as appealing to your ego, but this real stuff is about living together in the kingdom with the blessing of authentic, intimate friendships.
And I am with Elaine that when you find yourself in places of leadership that you didn't seek out with self promotion, you know it is where God has placed you.
I will end this sermon now before I do the alter call or burst into song.
You are loved!!!!
Thank you Arlene. This is a time when I had a better vocabulary because I'm not sure I can fully express the way I feel with my limited vocabulary. I'm not sure that I have ever been so completely chewed out but felt so completely loved. It is a feeling that I don't ever remember feeling. Mixed in with it are feelings of embarassment and hurt all of which are good at this moment. But what I feel most is amazement. Arlene you are very fierce in your love for others, I guess I kind of knew this but I really didn't realize the extent. I admire you for so many of your traits or gifts and I have one more to add to that list. Thank you for loving me so fiercely. And thank you for the correcting
You are welcome...And don't feel chewed out, just feel loved! :-)
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